I can be sensible

I stay safe

I’m an old soul

These little traits are so deeply entrenched in me; I don’t know when they solidified. I created a cast-iron comfort zone that I sometimes find pretty hard to leave.

I remember at school in my last year of secondary; I spent most of my lunchtimes alone in the library or with my English teacher. I scuffed my shoes while I daydreamed in the field. I used to shapely eat my sandwich alone, but it felt great! I loved being alone, and I had met some other girls who were just as shy as me. I dreamed about leaving and the next step after my GCSE’s. Once I got to university, I was pretty much set in my ways. By my 20’s I had friends but still struggled to open up and expand friendships. I stuck to small circles, and most were self-confident, which I loved.

I no longer feel crushing shyness, but I’m still someone who stands quietly beside the more chatty friends.

My life might seem either deeply fulfilling or reassuringly comforting, depending on where you lie on the introvert-extrovert scale. After carrying around the label for so long, I’m content with just being through and through introverted. But since 2019, my personality has shifted a little. I’ve wondered, was this labelling of myself setting set in the concrete of who I was? But I believe my pattern has changed slightly. My extrovert self sometimes creeps in moments not even I understand. So I think it is possible to change suddenly.

The terms introversion and extroversion were made to dictate personality types. At birth, this is already in our DNA, and it very much dictates whether we get our energy from being alone or with others. It’s innate but can be moulded.

I also think the pandemic has pushed us in or out of our shells. Such like anxiety makes us avoid things that are perfectly natural, while others brave the current flow. Some people would are very comfortable in lockdown during pandemic because they are naturally introverts. But the world changes and life circumstances also change and we have to move with it.

Introverts tend to be thoughtful and reflective, very much stay in the safe zone or think 10 times before they take a leap forward. While extroverts tend to be more sociable and assertive, going about their day and enjoying the moment.

like me a very very intense atmospheres are very tricky or me, but because i have overcome trauma i commute myself to unearth the very hidden and very possibly non existent inner extrovert in me. While we can’t change these response reactions from each side, we can reframe our thinking around situations and the environment. We really have to challenge our traits and with time and practice fundamental languages that lay in us and others around us. I have accepted i am a complex, jumble of thoughts and feelings.

There are lots of traits i still carry as the daisy, shy little girl but there is also some i’ve grown out of. Especially after i had my son, i try to teach him to be brave and fearless, something i never was. I think having my son has made me face more adversity in the eye than i ever had to in my past. I have overcome some trauma that has made shifted my introvert a little and occasionally my hidden extrovert comes out. The pandemic has certainly had a change in some of us and we have definitely seen the world in a different way. The new normal is here to stay it seems, and we have to ove with it.