Being the single mum

Being a single mum is challenging, but I also happen to think it's pretty awesome too. Here are my top reasons why being a single mum is excellent!

1. THE OCCASIONAL DAYS OF

Single mums usually get some sort of a break when their child is with their other family. For me personally, it's not a lot on average; I will get a couple of weekends off.  But from speaking to a few of my partnered-up mum friends, I’m a full-on mum 24/7!! And I LOVE IT!

2. ALONE TIME.

You get time when the kids are in bed. You don't have to speak to anyone if you don't want to. You get to clean and catch up with new episodes on Netflix.. or even catch up with work.

3. LEARNING HOW TO BE A HANDYMAN, FIX THINGS AND KILL BUGS.

Before, I was a single mum; if something needed fixing, someone else would call up, and it would be fixed… spoilt, I know, but it just sort of went without saying. The same goes for bugs and insects. All I had to do was let out a yell and scream out. Not like that, while they looked at me with a combination of pity, amusement and how they thought I was utterly ridiculous. But they would remove the source of danger... They I mean family

Now I can (mostly) do it myself. I admit, sometimes I run to my parents' house for help, or they come running out of just wanting to be there, but I know I can do it if I have to.

4. FINANCIAL FREEDOM.

Taking care of the finances on my own is a massive relief for me. Sure, I take care of my son and myself; now I choose how to spend or what I decide to save for; it’s up to me. No more hiding clothes in the wardrobe and throwing out the evidence of the shopping bag. Now I love to shop for my son but relatively more sensible way.

5. BEING SINGLE AND BEING HAPPY ALONE.

Not having to compromise, doing whatever you like, eating whatever you like, seeing who you want when you want, going where you want when you want, buying what you want without an explanation, not having to justify seeing friends and family and just generally having more time with friends and family, watching whatever you like on TV (I Netflix more often)

Knowing that you can do whatever you want with your life, be it study, work, or travel, is terrific. What's not to love about this? Having more unconditional time with your kid is the ultimate gift. We dance, cook, and watch cartoons that may last more than an hour. It’s amazing!

6. HAVING A "NO BULLS**T" APPROACH TO ANYTHING THAT PUTS ME IN A VULNERABLE PLACE.

Getting used to being alone with My son comes with great responsibility. It’s all on you, and no, it’s not easy. But it has its perks! Learning to deal with the things that really stress you out and learning the no bulls**t approach can be satisfying if you have the heart for it. It’s fulfilling in a way that it makes you stronger and more resilient. But it can be gritty too. Not for the faint-hearted. But go for it!! You take care of yourself and your kid without anyone’s unapproved opinions. Especially when you know... You're the MUM and NO ONE ELSE. 

Please do have your s**t together, though!

7. THE HOUSE LOOKS THE SAME WHEN YOU COME BACK FROM WORK.

This is not a huge issue, as it’s only my son and me... I mean, yeah, it does get messy, but it’s not bad. I simply had to put my glass down after taking a sip of water, and it swept away and washed up. And it’s a plus because, for me, it’s therapeutic! There's tidy, and then there's over-the-top clean. But from speaking to many mum friends, they love the fact that when they get home, the house is just as they left it. it’s pleasing to see a Lil one that fills the house!! ..with toys and food all over

8. THERE IS LESS LOSS. 

With one fewer person in the equation, there is less chance of other heartaches and stress. 

9. BEING HAPPY... NO, IT’S NO DESTINATION .. IT IS MORE THE JOURNEY AND JUST FINDING YOURSELF, ITS MAGNIFYING!!

I have never been happier since becoming a single mum. It wasn't easy at first, and it has been a long road to finding my feet. The legal issues, co-parenting difficulties, and different cultural customs are a huge challenge, but life is great when you get through it! There are still days I still have to give myself 10 minutes to freak out, then be a super mum! and get through it. Despite all the fuss and fights and life trips and falls, it’s great to find the more vital part of you.. and best go it all is that you start to see people and the world more clearly, You grow and find the world to be a little more complicated, But I believe its there for a reason or we wouldst be able to handle a thing!

10. YOUR CHILDREN BEING HAPPY.

There is a massive misconception that children will be unhappy if they are not part of a traditional family unit. That is genuinely great if you are part of a loving and healthy relationship. But unfortunately, not everyone is so lucky. It is not significant or beneficial for children to be in an environment that is toxic. I believe that children feed off your mood and energy levels, so if you are unhappy, they will be too. Correspondingly, if you're happy, they will be too. I mainly believe that if there is a loving family, healthy and harmonious, and when your sons/daughters are happy and healthy, that’s what matters. The love they feed of you and anyone that loves them is fantastic! You will be surprised at how fast you react to things that put them in any danger or compromise.

We need to remind ourselves that it’s never for us... it’s for them. 

11. YOU GET EMOTIONALLY STRONG.

Going through a separation or divorce is one of the hardest things. I think this is even harder if there are children involved. It’s genuinely traumatic, it tests your capabilities, and it definitely tests your strength. So going through something like this really brings out the power and the soldier in you that you didn't even know you had. Once you see it and experience it, you are unstoppable. Fight for what you think is correct, but above all doing what is suitable for your kids. Honestly, it’s challenging communicating with my son's extended family; despite not having much communication with them, it’s challenging at times.

Please be strong, mums! 

12. FINDING YOURSELF AGAIN.

Often in an unhealthy relationship, you lose who you are. I lost myself; I lost my confidence, self-esteem, voice, and soul. Now I have more than my self-worth, got my identity back, and am still working on my confidence. I know that being myself is good enough. Nothing can destroy my soul anymore, and I will not let anyone destroy it ever again. Finding yourself will be the best journey you will ever have in life. Your children will help that because they test your strength as a single mum. 

You will also find your feet!

13. BEING ABLE TO PARENT THE WAY YOU WANT TO.

Relationship difficulties after having children are extremely common. There is no preparation on how having children will impact your relationship. All the preparation is on labour and childbirth; there is no gas and air for motherhood. Even the strongest relationships struggle. My relationship was already hanging by a thread, so we didn't have much hope. Our clash on parenting styles was a constant source of arguments. I admit to a few errors, but it helps when you both communicate. When there is communication and compromise on both sides, things get better; I won’t lie. The occasional disagreement makes life challenging, but you get there somehow.

Communication is key!

14. MAKING NEW FRIENDS.

After my ex and I separated, I made it my mission to surround myself with other single mums for my own sanity. I needed to debrief with women who had gone through the same thing, particularly those with babies at the time. I am a big believer in making single mum friends if you are a single mum because we are emotion alone!

I still struggle to make friends with single mums! .. I mean, where do you find them!?  But if you happen to make friends with other moms who are single and have gone through the same, it’s pretty cool to have that support system. 

Find your tribe!

15. DATING AND HAVING FUN.

You get to date and have fun, and No, those butterflies don’t happen just like that anymore. Not like they used to as when you're younger. And for some, it's knowing that your best love is yet to come. Don’t rush anything.

16. THE BOND I HAVE WITH MY SON.

The bond I have with my son is so special to me. Sometimes, you have to go through a few things with your children to strengthen that bond. Be so busy bonding and doing things together that everything else falls into place. My son is my WORLD!

17. BEING A GREAT ROLE MODEL FOR YOUR CHILDREN.

I want my son to know that you only live once, that you should feel each moment with intensity, and that he should never settle for an unhealthy relationship and be unhappy. We all deserve happiness and be treated with respect, and I don't want him to think that bad behaviour is acceptable in a relationship. I would like my son to grow up and be kind, humble, respectful, and above all, know how to love! And goes for anyone in his life.

While we can't always control the behaviour and actions of others, we can choose how we respond to them.