How To Recognise A Narcissist And Protect Yourself

Do you know a family member, friend, or co-worker who always wants to be the centre of attention, who lacks any sense of empathy unless it helps them, and who controls your friendships with other and get what they want? 

Yeh, I’m sure we have all encountered people with some of these traits.

There are only so many traits a narcissist has, but If this sounds familiar, you may know someone who has a narcissistic personality disorder. However, identifying individuals with this disorder should only come after a trained professional has given that diagnosis. 

No, we can not diagnose them, but we can recognise these traits and be safer or smarter around these people. There is a lot of online help. Finding therapy services can offer you guidance on how to interact with a narcissist.

Here is what I learned. and I’m sure some of you will recognise or feel some relation to this information.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is one of several types of personality disorders and is characterised by a need for excessive admiration, an inflated sense of “the rightful one”, and a total lack of care for others unless it is of certain interest to them. People with narcissistic personality disorder become easily bored with relationships and often have a path of destroyed or fragmented relationships that follow them; it can be friendships or relationships. So…learning how to deal with a narcissistic person can be very helpful. They also often experience narcissistic rage that can come with behaviour, such as when they feel they are being confronted or may feel like they are losing grip of a situation.

Having some of the following narcissistic traits or characteristics does not always automatically mean that someone will be diagnosed with a narcissistic personality; the presence of more than one of these traits could indicate who may most likely have the disorder. These narcissistic traits are outlined by many psychiatric studies.

Some of the most common character traits of narcissists include:

  • They demand or want attention from others. Narcissists are generally preoccupied with the opinions of others and are often easily offended if they are not given the kind of adoring recognition they believe they deserve. Often when they are done with you they make the world seem like you are the bad person and you hurt them. This way, they come out looking pretty good from the outside.

  • A narcissist will exhibit confidence and will often show they know everything while not knowing anything at all. They tend to believe they do everything to help, but in reality, they know how to use people for their own interests. They also seem to think they are unique and that only a person with the same superior qualities can begin to understand them. Their strong sense of self-importance and high self-esteem can cause them to get very upset by even the slightest criticism.

  • People with narcissistic personality disorder are known to be rule breakers. They generally show little regard for people who are authority figures and show no remorse when they break rules; they often never admit they are wrong. Many narcissists do not end up with a criminal history because they are so good at manipulating others and placing blame; they often talk their way out of accountability.

  • At the beginning of a relationship with a narcissist, it almost feels unbelievable or too good to be true. If a narcissist is involved, it usually is too good to be true. A person with NPD is a charmer. They will say and do whatever it takes to get your attention and your affection (even if they don’t deserve it). Narcissistic behaviour is not always immediate or obvious as a narcissist can be very cunning and very manipulative. However, the longer you're in a friendship or relationship (personal or intimate) with a narcissist, the bolder they may become with their behaviour.

As individual differences are concerned, there are actually two types of narcissistic traits between narcissists (As if one was not enough) there is the impressive or cunning and the vulnerable. The cunning narcissism is the type that is most recognisable and is what we usually refer to when we talk about narcissism. The cunning narcissists are the type outlined above.

The vulnerable narcissism is often less apparent and can be difficult for even a clinical psychologist to identify. (bugger) While vulnerable narcissists also believe they are superior, they are usually introverted. Vulnerable narcissists also typically do not respond well to even constructive criticism; they often cannot take humour lightly and will often get upset, which they could perceive as intended to damage their self-esteem. Because vulnerable narcissists are more restrained and subdued in their approach to the world, It is often very difficult to maintain a relationship with these two types of traits.

Conversations with a narcissist may leave you feeling like nothing you say is important or of any value. Many times the narcissist may change the subject in such a subtle way that you don’t realise it. However, the more comfortable they become with you, certain behaviours will likely become more obvious to you, and the fact that there is no regard for your thoughts or empathy for your feelings will be very evident. They often blame you for making them feel upset, it will never be them to blame.

People with narcissistic personality disorders have a strong sense of self-importance that can lead them to believe the people around them are wrong. They sometimes expect constant or often excessive attention. Narcissists want things their way, even if it means violating your personal boundaries.

Ways to Handle a Narcissist

It’s often better to know how to deal with these sorts of traits. The most important thing to remember when dealing with a narcissist is they do not care about your feelings; I’m sorry, but this is a hard reality, and you need to know. So unless they have something that interests them that furthers their agenda.

I often advise to stay away or break loose from these characters, but life is not that easy. The first step in handling a narcissist and protecting yourself is to see them for who they are. If we see and feel like this is wrong it often is. It’s easy to get caught up in the charm and magnetic energy that seems to flow from a narcissist. However, if you suspect that something is “not right,” take the time to watch how they treat others or even speak of others. If you observe disrespect toward others and catch them lying or manipulating, it’s safe to say that the narcissist will do the same to you once they have gotten what they want out of your relationship.

Here are tips that could help.

Setting some boundaries will often help protect your space or yourself. take the time to set personal boundaries. This means deciding what you are comfortable with and what you are not and making it clear to the narcissist. Remember, just because narcissists don’t care about boundaries doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have them. That is an even more reason why you should set personal boundaries when dealing with a narcissist.

Take the focus Off the Narcissist

Narcissists tend to be attention-seekers sometimes. Whether the attention is positive or negative, a person with a narcissistic personality disorder will do whatever it takes to remain hidden in plain sight. it’s easy to neglect your own needs and wants when you’re with a narcissist, as they often want things their way or just often feel like you’re just temporary to them. To protect yourself, take the focus off the narcissist and start practising some self-care because we all need some time on ourselves. I think is much needed to stop things from getting out of control.

Expect Upset Reactions

People with narcissistic personalities expect everything in the universe to revolve around what they think is right. Therefore, when you take the focus off them, you can anticipate a strong reaction to happen. This individual may not do well with boundaries, so when you set them or when you speak up for yourself, expect them to push back with their own demands. During this time of transition, it is not uncommon for narcissists to use manipulation to try and make you feel guilty or to try to create self doubt by convincing you that you are being unreasonable or unfair. This is a sympathy tactic; don’t fall for it.

Remind Yourself That This is Not Your Fault

People with this type of disorder do not readily admit a mistake and will not likely take responsibility for causing you grief or pain. On the contrary, they often project their own negative behaviour onto others and get angry or act bewildered when things don’t go the way they want. Whatever you do, don’t take the blame for things that are not your fault. Making peace by accepting blame will only make the situation worse.

Have a support system

Narcissists have no problem making others feel cut off from friends and loved ones. This is just one of the many reasons for having a constant support system is vital for your safety and well being. Talk to a friend or family member when possible.

However, if friends or family members are not an option, there are other ways to get help. Connecting with a counsellor or other mental health professionals can help give you a safe place to talk about the abuse you are experiencing and can give you the opportunity to create a plan of action to focus on getting you to a safe place where you can be free from the trauma created by narcissistic behaviour.

When It’s Time to Move On

No matter how much you care about someone with narcissistic personality disorder, if the person becomes emotionally or verbally abusive, it is important to protect yourself. No matter what the circumstances are, stay very strong because this will be the hardest move of all.

Signs of narcissistic abuse may include:

  • Patronising or humiliating you

  • Yelling at you or threatening you

  • Name calling or using insulting language

  • Making false accusations or being possessive of you

  • Telling you how you should feel instead of listening to your thoughts and feelings

  • Belittling your needs or opinions

Additionally, There are other signs. if a person with narcissistic personality disorder blames you for everything, monitors your activities or attempts to isolate you, these are also signs of abusive behaviour. Projecting their shortcomings on you and denying the truth in an attempt to confuse you or make you question your own sanity are other examples of emotional abuse.

Every relationship has periods of ups and downs, and that is normal. However, there are some signs that raise red flags that are strong indicators that it is probably best to leave a relationship with a narcissist for your own safety. If you are being emotionally, verbally, physically, or sexually abused, you need to get out of the relationship to protect your well being. If you feel controlled, manipulated, or threatened, protect yourself by getting OUT. Further, if your physical health or mental well being is being negatively affected, it’s time to protect yourself and move on. It’s horrible to feel all these things, but it is worse if you stay.

Finding Sources of Help

If you have a person with a narcissistic personality in your life, there are sources of help. While talking with friends/or loved ones can be helpful, there are times when professional help may be necessary too. This is especially true if you have experienced abuse or if you’re finding it hard coping with a narcissist’s manipulative behaviour. Despite what a narcissist will tell you, it is okay to protect yourself and make decisions that promote your own mental health. i recommend professional counselling for dealing with narcissism in your life. Talking to a clinical psychologist or other mental health professionals can help you process complex emotions arising out of a relationship with a narcissist. If there are children involved there are other options that can help, like getting a Lawyer, or family courts can help resolve situations that are tough to handle.

Most communities have a local mental health clinic where services are available without a referral. For some, the thought of meeting someone face to face can feel scary or even unsafe. If you need to talk to someone but aren’t comfortable meeting with a counsellor or therapist in person, online counselling is an accessible alternative to finding help. Peer reviewed studies have shown that online therapy is an effective method of providing care for a variety of mental health concerns. there is always an option. Do not feel like you are lost and no one can help.

One example of online counselling services is provided by BetterHelp. An online service with licensed, trained, and experienced mental health care providers will work with you to develop a plan of care that is tailored to your needs as you prepare to live a life free of a narcissist. You can connect with BetterHelp from home or anywhere else that you feel safe and comfortable. And treatment is private, you won’t have to discuss your treatment plan with medical reviewers or anyone else who isn’t your therapist.

Please, I emphasise, remember that you are not alone, and you deserve to live a life that doesn’t make you feel trapped or hurt. Help is always available.

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