It’s not safe anymore?

Something compelling seems to have happened across social media, not to mention the national news after the horrifying disappearance of Sarah Everard triggered a wave of questions about the safety of a woman walking alone on the street at night. Women are constantly living in fear now. The worst thing is I think nothing happened for it to change. Yet, at the same time, in collectively talking about it, I have realised it’s not just me. All women are worried to the core of our lives being like this, changing certain behaviours to keep us safe.

Let me say It’s NOT all men - We don’t seem to talk about it enough, yet every woman has her stories. We know it isn’t all men who are a threat, but how are we honestly meant to know who is and who isn’t?  We know it’s not all men. Hopefully, most of us are lucky to be married or dating a good man. This could be daughters, siblings or mothers. However, every woman has had her own bad experience with men, so it’s clear we need to address this; after knowing it was an officer of the law who committed this, are the police really there to protect us, or are they abusing their power?? To throw the phrase not all men do this, they say ‘don’t tar us with the same brush’ let’s hope not all men, because we all have brothers, fathers and male family members.

Around my 20s, my cousin and I decided to go on a night out; we got dressed in our best outfits and called a cab (when ubers didn’t exist yet). We waited for around 10 minutes to be picked up. The cab, an old ford pulled up at my house, and we scuffled in, excited to go out and have a good night. What would usually take us maybe 30 minutes to go to central London took us longer. We thought the cab driver looked strange, but we didn’t pay any attention; after that, we noticed we were on a highway close to Heathrow, and the cab driver was talking on the phone the whole way in a foreign language. Alarm bells started ringing. We got so worried that I called my mum to call the cab station to ask about the cab driver. My mother, as protective as she is, threatened to call the police if we weren’t safe. She stood by the phone through the whole ordeal; while all this, we asked the cab driver what route he was using and questioned the route he was taking. The cab boss finally called him, and the car turned back, and the guy looked very upset and seemed angry after my mother reported to the cab station. The vehicle spun, made another route and took us to central. I will never forget this, and in my mind, what could have happened if I hadn’t raised alarm bells?

We have all had our strange experiences, and now we all tend to change our habits to make it safer for us to be out late. Whenever something happens, it’s always “What was she wearing? Why did she walk through a park on her own?” Not to mention how horrible it is that some blame falls on the victim rather than the perpetrator. Why shouldn’t a woman be able to safely go for a run in the quiet cool air at 4am or come back home late from work or whatever it may be? Why shouldn’t a woman wear a dress that makes her feel confident without the fear of being groped or raped?

The thing is, Sarah ‘followed the rules. She wore bright clothes; her friend knew the journey she was making, and she stuck to main roads and built-up areas. Sarah could have been any one of us. The things we are taught to do as young girls didn’t work for her. Something still happened. What does that say?

 Due to the enormity of it all, I don’t know what can be done, but something needs to change. Our daughters, mothers, sisters and friends need to feel safe, and our sons need to be compassionate and respect women, as the many good men in the world already do.

What has been done??