How to deal with the unnecessary
Life can throw so much at you, including exes and their partners.
This might seem like im ranting on about horrible past pertners, but everyone has had one! and some mothers are still struggling to find a balance between a raging war and trying to find peace.
Only I’ve learnt how to filter out the unnecessary, even when people have a problem with you for no reason.
Before reading this, I suggest you brace for impact because this will undoubtedly hurt some feelings and may seem insensitive. I’m not here to appease your feelings in this modern-day far cry of a utopian society. I’m here to advise victims how to put their big girl pants on and find their inner bitch. Let’s go over a few basic things you need to realise before you even have a chance to win a single battle over one of these calculative shitheads. Yeh, I said it!
Once you change your behaviour, be prepared for them to RAMP it up, and I mean, ramp it up! They’re essentially drowning in their own angry thoughts and are desperate to hook you and make you look crazy, so don’t do it. Stay firm, and don’t let them see you react.
It would be best if you educated yourself. Read woman! If you are dealing with one of these absolute narcissistic exes and their partners who use their horrible personalities to abuse your weakness, you’ve got to start treating this like a war (or ignore their existence altogether, that’s another tip entirely! I honestly prefer this way) Every warrior who goes to battle untrained and lacking discipline gets destroyed. Unfortunately, some of us have to grow some balls and be brave. Some people out there will make you look crazy while they are actually undermining you. Ever felt that before??
Here are some books that I highly recommend you read to better equip yourself for battle (because you’re in a war whether you realise it or not)
48 Laws of Power
The Art of War
The Prince
There are other books out there, but this is a good start. First and foremost, a “high conflict” person (psychopath/borderline personality/narcissist etc.) purposely uses your weaknesses to hurt you as their primary weapon. Might I add It’s on purpose. They prey on your weaknesses, much like a lion will pick off the slow of the herd. They subliminally do it too. They are nothing more than pawns on chess boards, a means to your end. They will only care about their end game and winning without looking bad in any way. Drill that into your head and stop seeing these people as anything more than animals. Everything they do is calculated, and they will show you no mercy. So get your ducks together and stop thinking you can reason or appeal to their sympathies because they have none!
Realise and accept that it is ok to feel hurt and angry. Read that again. It is OK. There is an extremely toxic & masochistic philosophy going around telling people to love and treat their enemies well. It’s been around for thousands of years, and psychopathic people are hoping it will be around another thousand so they can continue their abuse in peace. Be honest with your emotions! Yell, scream but then heal. This might take a real solid head to lead on despite the frequent emotional warfare. Realise that some things will remain, and you've got to be SUPER STRONG. Go for a run, start the gym, occupy your mind with something so special to you and elevate. The best revenge is no revenge; let life deal with Karma. Once you have therapeutically gotten those emotions out of your system, map out your winning mindset! But NEVER let anyone rent space in your head. You’ve got to be honest with how you feel and not let someone from your family/friends tell you how to feel. Chances are they have no idea what you’re going through.
If you love your enemies, does that not dilute the love you have for those who really deserve it? Whether it’s love or hate, be honest and be in control. Rule your emotions and never forget how dangerous these types of people are. Never forget what they have done, But you can learn to move on, even when they are trying o kill your self-worth now and then. Once you accept the fact that this is not going to change and you have to deal with the unnecessary issues and still learn to live your life effortlessly, it becomes easier, it relieves a tremendous amount of stress, and you're finally able to focus. Again, don’t let anyone rent space in your head but be honest with your emotions. Keep your guard up at all times! Because the second you let it down, they will destroy you.
Lastly, but most importantly, NO CONTACT!!!!!
It’s actually a very mature choice. As much as you are able, go no contact at all! Do not speak to these people unless it is a 50-50 issue with the kids (such as a change in pick up/drop offs or child maintenance) or a medical emergency. Do not engage, do not take the bait. You know what I’m talking about. They know all your buttons and will continue to push them as long as they can get a reaction. You’ve got to change the way you interact with these people completely. It would help that you have good behaviour in dealing with these mean, horrible people. Please don’t give them the satisfaction! I guarantee they will move on to another victim or, at a minimum, reduce their bull towards you because they won’t get the same reward as they once did. Because you’re not giving it to them! At this stage, you would have moved on and would have learnt to deal with the unnecessary. Find peace with it, and NEVER be bitter. Learn that life has these ups and downs. Be super educated because there is no need to lose your shit over their chauvinistic abuse.
This advice is enough to get anyone emotionally started. Grow some bulls, and Find some support from family and friends. But it’s really up to the individual to form their strategy to conduct mental warfare. This is all about mindset. Treat it that way. Your piece is sacred. You’ve been caught up in an emotional rollercoaster; it’s time to step off and become stronger.
I hope this advice helps someone, all the best.