Q&A OF SINGLE MUM LIFE & KIDS
KAREN AND ZAIN.
What is a single mum?
I was hesitant with this one because there are so many definitions of what a single mum is. I don’t think there is a clear answer, as everyone will agree or disagree. But to me, I am a single mum as I am not with my son's father, and I am divorced and separated, nor am I romantically coupled with anyone.
Is it hard being a single mum?
The short answer is yes.
It is most definitely hard to be a single mom. Well … it has its ups and downs, and it is so fulfilling!
Of course, being a single mom is difficult. We all go through our sour moments and our good moments. It can be anything under the sun, especially if you’re doing it entirely independently. Kudos to those moms; you’re a freaking goddess.
I can’t even imagine that world, so much respect for any Mumma in that scenario. super mums!
From my experience as a single mom, I have been pretty blessed. Although, at times, I have to play both the roles of mom and dad. You try your best to guide your child in the best way possible—especially when dealing with the other extended half and there is no communication and at times challenging. You doubt yourself sometimes because ..well, you're a single mum; you will find yourself at times alone with no ideas to bounce off with the other parent because you come to see there are different dynamics of which these minor problems become difficult. But ultimately, I'm lucky my family have been the best support EVER!! So I count myself lucky.
There are a lot of moments I can honestly say I wish it were a little different, especially when the other parent is already partnered. Everything he does is very separate... it’s like your son lives a double life, and you don’t know where he is when he goes off to dads house. No clue what he’s doing but not every situation is as mature, and you can CO-PARENT respectfully and peacefully. I often find the extended partner rude or maybe just a difference of personality, but I guess probably through no fault of her own and her love for him, he has allowed it to open. You get it handled, and you hope for the best.
Do you feel bad your son doesn’t have a “normal” family?
No, I don’t feel bad one bit and here’s why.
I’m happy that things turned out the way they did because it’s a teachable moment.
I can teach my son what love is, what teamwork is, and a partnership. He gets to see two people working together towards an overall goal despite all the challenges and difficulties with the extended member its all been ok, As long as my little angel is healthy and well, it’s all that matters.
For sure, at first, when we were first separating, I FREAKED out as I plunged quickly into a single mum and the idea of my son dealing with his parents not being together in that manner. I thought it was the worst thing ever.
But once I worked out through my trauma and figured out why I felt that way, I realised that he was OK!! If anything, this is a better route than where we were back then. I’m happy I had plenty of self-growth, and a healing process has made me a better person.
What has changed, and how did it make you a better mum?
In short.. self-growth and Time
They say time heals everything. I still have trauma and fear of what happened in the past that has embedded in me, but I think ultimately, being a mum has made me a better person.
I still have my reservations about specific people, but with the self-growth and the freedom to learn with every punch life throws at you, you learn to handle or deal with it. But you get on with it because you ultimately don’t have time to break down. You do what’s best for your kid.
Do you want more kids?
Yes, I definitely want one more kid. I don’t know in what manner I will have them in, but I do want one more. I have thought of this for a while, so that may be a route I take one day when I am more financially stable.
We will see what life has ins store for me.
Do you still talk to your in-laws?
I am not married anymore, so I’m not sure I can call them in-laws.
Yes, but very little also. But I still try to keep in contacts with grandparents because they’re still part of my son’s life.
Even though we are divorced or no longer together, it doesn’t mean that I have to stop speaking to them; I mean that’s my son’s grandparents.
It doesn’t make sense to disconnect myself in that manner. I only have the most respect for them for being my son’s grandparents.
What does a single mom want in a boyfriend?
If I was in the position where I would want one, the first thing I would look for is seeing if they could handle my situation and that being, of course, my family, my son Zain.
I know it is not a common thought, but any man that I allow in my life in that way has to be secure within themselves and understand why they will always be number two in my eyes. My son essentially comes first; If they do not understand, we have no future. Question of time and if I’m willing to put myself in a position of wanting another man in my life. For now, the self-growth and the freedom I have with my son are fulfilling enough for us.
Last question, do you take time to take care of yourself?
Yes and no.
I’m guilty of not doing things such as getting pedicures and manicures. I’m not good at all that, but I try my best to prioritise things such as going to the gym, meditating, or working on my blog.
I am not the best at taking care of myself beauty aspect; I know I have to do better. I think as moms, in general, we worry so much about others it’s our nature that by the end of the night, we just want to sleep and cuddle up with our kids... I will try to make an effort this year consciously.
That’s it, ladies! I hope this was enjoyable to read : )
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